realia

it's light in the room, from the gloaming rolling in the window
until I turn on the light, and then the dark is resigned to be
what it was all along

different here, unconnected from my recent past
and unconnected from my past past... this is not me.
not my family. but is. unwashed things, dusty corners
piles of secrets and papers and stubby pencils

what I think is
whatever it is I think I see
becomes what I do see;

maybe the darkness was still glowing
despite the lamp in the bedroom

the falling night's
light remaining blue and dim
not darkness at all

old vs. new

it smells of toast and cat piss here;
we linger and malign.
we wage the wars, but stow the fear-
raise the flags, and hide the signs.

for coal

there was
that flash of -- something the moment I first saw you
and I
just wanted to jump up and hug you,
as though I hadn't seen you for years
although I was just then meeting you for the first time--
that
is the moment I keep turning back to,
turning over\and looking under, around

I want to be in your head, and watch the
circuit board electronic soundwave symphony play out.
I can imagine it, but O- to be there! And the way you mumble--
I catch half of what you've said
make you repeat yourself
but I-- I would never stop your mumbling,
your lip-tripping, not for a moment.
The light of-- what?-- happiness-- or genuineness--
it just sparkles and flashes from your mouth
when you smile--
and even I am reduced to mumbling.

Around you-- I almost want to become a circus dog,
frilly necktie adorning my neck
I want to leap and dance ridiculously for you,
show you
anything genuine that I have, so I can share in the light
that you are spreading with that smile
(O that smile) and I
can imagine you as a small child:
funny and likable and weird as all get out...
big eyes and perfect teeth and
wondering/wandering clockwork brain--

I wish wish wish that it wasn't just moments
that we had, we have--
there's something bigger,
something we haven't even touched yet--
do you know it too?
Something
something signaled to me in that first alarming minute
when we shook hands in front of the blue light of the television
and when I came out to say goodbye and
blushed beside your jeep in the dark...

and now: I have dashes and ellipses,
pauses and stumbles and bubbles of excitement--
--and you YOU are the spark plug,
you have ignited something within me
when I was not even aware that I was possessed of any fuel.

procrastinator

avoidance
the tactic serves me well
though I pretend it is my enemy
(oh, I don't know why I can't seem to get to work, I just have so much to do these days you know, it's a miracle anyone gets anything done, isn't it)
I know better

I'm telling myself, telling you silently
bright and bitter, better things await me, if I could
just put off that thing, that one thing
I was supposed to have done
by now, but haven't
If I could just
hold off

what is the reward?
weigh it.
what is the punishment?
weigh that, too.

try to take one,
and evade the other
without lifting a finger.